A long way in every way.

"This was the best day ever and I'm not kidding. The best day of my life so far.

I got to shoot a gun. It was awesome."

Ever since Elmer learned that Texas law allows 13-year-olds to shoot guns, he's been dreaming about this day. So when Aunt and Uncle A invited us to Thanksgiving in Texas, his heart rate soared.

Our last visit here was no picnic; we were exiled to a motel. But Elmer has come a long way -- as have Aunt and Uncle A -- and we journeyed here with hope in our hearts.

When Uncle A got the green light from a nearby ranch -- belonging to a champion skeet shooter -- off went the boys, not to return for hours. They shot and shot and shot; all kinds of guns at all kinds of targets, including skeet. He had instructions in gun safety, a tour of the walk-in gun locker.

He came home, exhausted, exhilarated, with so much to process, he was unable to turn on a dime and go out to dinner. Which Aunt and Uncle A thought was lazy on his part and bad parenting on mine.

I began to worry we'd be exiled to a motel again. Which I suppose could still happen.

But, ladies and gentlemen, he had the best day of his life so far, and I'm not kidding.

Thanksgiving

I give thanks for my sister auti-mom bloggers. You cheer me, sustain me, and inspire me.

Runaway with Aspergers-11 days alone on Subway

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/24/nyregion/2

"No one spoke to him. Asked if he saw any larger meaning in that, he said, 'Nobody really cares about the world and about people.'"

Mapping the transition

It looks like a mountain range or a roller coaster.

This is Elmer's diagram of his transition.

Clearly, it hasn't been smooth sailing.

The team tells us to expect more of the same, so I'd better batten down the hatches.

This is news? Bullies prey on autistic kids

Survey: Bullies prey on autistic kids

Bad mama

Image by IndyDina with Mr. Wonderful via Flickr

I'm a bad mama. Bad, bad, bad.

And I don't mean bad in any cool, ironic sense.

I made a mistake this morning, which in and of itself, is ok.

But I did not have it in me to make it right. No patience. No grace. Not enough love.

Elmer (I don't even like the name) was having a rough morning. Dad hadn't shown up to cover the morning routine for Mom, who had a 7:30 meeting. Guess what? That threw Mom, too, but Mom was sucking up and dealing, nudging Elmer through his morning routine, when Elmer asked if he'd really be walking to-and-from school, even in winter.
Warning! Red alert! Think before answering, Mom! (Oh hindsight)
"Of course you'll walk, Elmer,unless it's -15 and blizzarding."
..............................................................................
"Mom! That's child abuse! How? How could you?!?! Do you know what I'm dealing with now? Do you? If you did, you wouldn't have said that."
...............................................................................
I get that, now. And I have since apologized.
What I could *not* do was stick around to process and fix it. Could not do it. Told him my day had gotten screwed up, too. That I would drive him today, that we would laugh about this tomorrow. But he was stuck. Asked to go see his therapist, who had no openings today.
I just did not have the patience to be a good auti-mom today. I had things to do, errands to run, and I asked him to come, but he refused. Instead of sticking around, I left. I did my errands. I am now at the library. He will have to work this out on his own.
Because I am a bad mama.

And now for something completely different

One of the gifts of writing this blog is getting to know other auti-mama bloggers. They strengthen and sustain me. Today please read Tanya of Teen Autism.