Bad mama

Image by IndyDina with Mr. Wonderful via Flickr

I'm a bad mama. Bad, bad, bad.

And I don't mean bad in any cool, ironic sense.

I made a mistake this morning, which in and of itself, is ok.

But I did not have it in me to make it right. No patience. No grace. Not enough love.

Elmer (I don't even like the name) was having a rough morning. Dad hadn't shown up to cover the morning routine for Mom, who had a 7:30 meeting. Guess what? That threw Mom, too, but Mom was sucking up and dealing, nudging Elmer through his morning routine, when Elmer asked if he'd really be walking to-and-from school, even in winter.
Warning! Red alert! Think before answering, Mom! (Oh hindsight)
"Of course you'll walk, Elmer,unless it's -15 and blizzarding."
..............................................................................
"Mom! That's child abuse! How? How could you?!?! Do you know what I'm dealing with now? Do you? If you did, you wouldn't have said that."
...............................................................................
I get that, now. And I have since apologized.
What I could *not* do was stick around to process and fix it. Could not do it. Told him my day had gotten screwed up, too. That I would drive him today, that we would laugh about this tomorrow. But he was stuck. Asked to go see his therapist, who had no openings today.
I just did not have the patience to be a good auti-mom today. I had things to do, errands to run, and I asked him to come, but he refused. Instead of sticking around, I left. I did my errands. I am now at the library. He will have to work this out on his own.
Because I am a bad mama.