Response from Elmer's teacher

If I would have known what I know now the first week of school, I would have suggested pulling him then.
On the second week of school, I did suggest to leadership that we move Elmer into the high school classroom, but was told it was full and was reminded that there is a student in the class who does have a history of aggression. Again, in retrospect, I should have pushed harder. I am sorry!

I know Elmer will receive TLC in the older classroom. Elmer knows most of the students in the older
classroom, and knowing the boys, they will talk among themselves
about the struggles and that in itself will be healing for Elmer.
I will check in with Elmer on a regular basis and I know others will continue to be there for him.
If you have ideas of other ways in which I can help Elmer, please let me know. I do believe that it is important for us to affirm with Elmer that he demonstrated great strength and skill in not only using his coping stratagies at school; that we help him see how strong he is, and that we (as a team) acknowledge we asked more of him than we should have - that his stress is a reflection of the team's mistake (not a reflection of Elmer).
Anonymom, we remain a team and we remain there for Elmer as a team with added knowledge and wisdom.
Please try to care for yourself too as finding a program with a good fit may be a process.
Take care.

Moving forward

Email to Elmer's IEP Team:
Elmer is going to need considerable help to recover from this month. While his team observed him coping with the chaos at school, at home he has been stimming, depressed, overeating, irritable and moody. While these have not been in large quantities, they are behaviors I haven't seen for years. This is painful, scary, and frankly, heartbreaking and infuriating.
I think we erred by maintaining the status quo for even this month. I wish I had pulled him sooner.
I know we can't go back in time but we must devote whatever resources are needed to reverse this.
Elmer must be nourished so that he is once again the boy who showed up ready to soar on the first day of school: confident, even-tempered, easy-going, charming, curious, optimistic, and a happy leader. That's the boy I sent to school and that's the boy I want back.

Good evening

Our lives have been as gloomy as the weather, as our outgrown school situation stretches on. Both Elmer (The Aspie formerly known as Diver) and I are stress-eating, cranky and depressed.

And yet.

Last night offered a glimmer -- more than a glimmer -- of hope that we will weather this; that Elmer has maintained his mighty growth; that he will be a competent adult among adults.

He had wondered outside with his poi balls and begun practicing, throwing a teen-aged "Mom, what are you looking at? I'm just hanging out" my way.

So I crossed the street and joined neighbors accompanying their toddlers on a bike ride. I returned to warm up at their fire pit, when Elmer joined us with kettle corn, six pack of soda and chair. That's a good guest; someone who BYOB, food and chair.

He gracefully entered the conversation and spent the evening socializing around the fire, discussing kayaking, WWII, Hitler, Stalin, Minnesota resorts; always polite, always appropriate, navigating run-on adult talking, adding interesting information even I didn't know.

I did not have to manage, monitor or worry. Miracle. Miracle!

I could tell that neighbors,who once feared him, not only enjoyed him, but respected him.

So maybe his team is right; learning to deal with the chaos at school will prepare him for anything that comes his way.

Another Day in Paradise

Image by Getty Images via Daylife

"That's what Kevin and I kept repeating today," reports Diver.

But Kevin is a paraprofessional and is paid to be there.

Yes, another day coping with violent-chaos-meltdowns in the classroom. And with a safe space to retreat to, Diver now feels safe in the building, 'tho not in class.

Today's festivities included one student attacking another. Teacher hit by flying book. Two students in physical alteration.

Diver is coping and the team has met and discussed transition to a new school, but to his list of physical stress symptoms (stammering, tic, stress eating) is a newbie, nausea.

Yet, God bless him, he mustered his strength and moxie to go to his funjoyment social skills group tonight.

"You are the strongest boy I know." I said to Diver.

"I know," he replied.

Diver's been asking me to change his name to Elmer Fudd. Today's the day. He earned it.
Elmer, it is.

Growing Pains

It's not all good news.
Diver has grown so much that he has outgrown his school. Thrilling, right?
Yes and no.
Going back to school with such high hopes only to find it no longer works.
We thought this day might come, but not so soon.
He is coping valiantly with classmates in constant meltdown, whose social skills he describes as "bad as Hitler's."
But the stress is taking a toll. He trudges in, dispirited and silent. He becomes a dead weight in front of the big screen, unable to move. He struggles off in the morning for another day of chaos.
We've caucused with his teacher, who concurs that its time to move on, and we have a team meeting next Wednesday.
Mainstream is not the answer. Don't know the answer or how the home district will respond. In the meantime, misery.

Morning Checklist

Got on bus.
Went to school.

Jump the Snark: Tomorrow

Jump the Snark: Tomorrow